الرئيسية
By Chelsea Kaplan, Yahoo!
Just like renowned thinker Sigmund Freud, many regular single
men ponder the question, “What do women want?” — and find themselves
dumbfounded. According to Kathy Freston, author of The One: Discovering
the Secrets of Soul Mate Love, understanding the female mind isn’t
actually that difficult. Need some direction? Here are her suggestions
on how to understand — and woo — women.
Q: What is the number-one mistake that men make when trying to impress women?
A:
When men feel insecure, they sometimes compensate by acting arrogantly
or being grandiose. As much as bragging about your car, house or big
bank account might initially get a woman’s attention, it will soon
thereafter be a major turn-off. Women like confidence and security, but
they know that when those qualities are real, a man doesn’t have to
throw them around for show to impress anyone.
Q: What else would you warn men away from doing?
A:
Another thing healthy women find unappealing is when a man is too
needy, i.e., grabbing for too much of her attention and affection. That
kind of behavior communicates that there is not much else going on for
him in terms of friendships or intimate relations.
Q: But don’t many women want to be “needed” by men?
A:
Sure, but there’s a fine line between “needing” a woman and being
“needy.” No self-respecting lady wants to be the man’s “everything” in
life! It is simply too much of a burden — and an impossible one to
fulfill. If you want to find a loving, well-rounded, happy female
partner, you need to be loving, well-rounded, and happy on your own and
in your own unique ways as a man.
Q: How much does a man’s physical appearance count in terms of charming a woman?
A:
Women value men who take care of themselves, just as men admire the
same quality in women. If he eats well, exercises, and takes a little
time to think about what he is wearing, it shows he has self-respect and
honors the body that was given to him. The subtext of this behavior is:
“I like myself enough to present myself well and make sure I have the
energy to live life to the fullest.”
Q: OK, what would you say is the one way a man can charm any woman? What’s his best bet on that front?
A:
First and foremost, nearly any woman loves an attentive man who values
her thoughts, opinions, and feelings. You’ve probably heard it numerous
times, but it’s the truth: Women want to feel heard and considered
seriously by men. It’s not that a woman is just looking for someone to
agree with her; she wants to know that how she approaches life has an
impact on him, she she also wants to know that her ideas have been taken
in and digested… hence, she matters and makes a difference in his life.
Q: May I play devil’s advocate and ask why then are so many women seemingly charmed by jerks?
A:
Often, it’s a function of one’s personal psychology. Much of that kind
of attraction has to do with being drawn to what hasn’t yet been worked
out from someone’s childhood wounds or painful experiences. People are
often attracted to the very thing that will bring up their old issues;
it’s the wisdom of the unconscious pushing us to confront the things
that need to be addressed and healed in our personal lives. In this
case, the old “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse actually does come into
play quite a bit.
Q: Interesting! Last question: There are some men that women are just instantly drawn to... what’s their secret?
A:
There is nothing more magnetic to love than love itself. When a man
loves his life, his friends, and his job, he is incredibly magnetic.
Additionally, when he is as nice to the janitor as he is to the CEO of
his company, he shows heart... and most women are always drawn to kind
men; I believe it’s human nature. Ultimately, a man who is genuinely —
and that’s the key: genuinely — attentive, considerate, kind and
chivalrous will always be able to captivate a woman.
When
DC-based journalist Chelsea Kaplan isn’t helping you solve your
relationship problems, she’s making jewelry. Check it out at www.chelseabellejewelry.com. For the other side of this story, read How to charm the male mind.
Just like renowned thinker Sigmund Freud, many regular single
men ponder the question, “What do women want?” — and find themselves
dumbfounded. According to Kathy Freston, author of The One: Discovering
the Secrets of Soul Mate Love, understanding the female mind isn’t
actually that difficult. Need some direction? Here are her suggestions
on how to understand — and woo — women.
Q: What is the number-one mistake that men make when trying to impress women?
A:
When men feel insecure, they sometimes compensate by acting arrogantly
or being grandiose. As much as bragging about your car, house or big
bank account might initially get a woman’s attention, it will soon
thereafter be a major turn-off. Women like confidence and security, but
they know that when those qualities are real, a man doesn’t have to
throw them around for show to impress anyone.
Q: What else would you warn men away from doing?
A:
Another thing healthy women find unappealing is when a man is too
needy, i.e., grabbing for too much of her attention and affection. That
kind of behavior communicates that there is not much else going on for
him in terms of friendships or intimate relations.
Q: But don’t many women want to be “needed” by men?
A:
Sure, but there’s a fine line between “needing” a woman and being
“needy.” No self-respecting lady wants to be the man’s “everything” in
life! It is simply too much of a burden — and an impossible one to
fulfill. If you want to find a loving, well-rounded, happy female
partner, you need to be loving, well-rounded, and happy on your own and
in your own unique ways as a man.
Q: How much does a man’s physical appearance count in terms of charming a woman?
A:
Women value men who take care of themselves, just as men admire the
same quality in women. If he eats well, exercises, and takes a little
time to think about what he is wearing, it shows he has self-respect and
honors the body that was given to him. The subtext of this behavior is:
“I like myself enough to present myself well and make sure I have the
energy to live life to the fullest.”
Q: OK, what would you say is the one way a man can charm any woman? What’s his best bet on that front?
A:
First and foremost, nearly any woman loves an attentive man who values
her thoughts, opinions, and feelings. You’ve probably heard it numerous
times, but it’s the truth: Women want to feel heard and considered
seriously by men. It’s not that a woman is just looking for someone to
agree with her; she wants to know that how she approaches life has an
impact on him, she she also wants to know that her ideas have been taken
in and digested… hence, she matters and makes a difference in his life.
Q: May I play devil’s advocate and ask why then are so many women seemingly charmed by jerks?
A:
Often, it’s a function of one’s personal psychology. Much of that kind
of attraction has to do with being drawn to what hasn’t yet been worked
out from someone’s childhood wounds or painful experiences. People are
often attracted to the very thing that will bring up their old issues;
it’s the wisdom of the unconscious pushing us to confront the things
that need to be addressed and healed in our personal lives. In this
case, the old “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse actually does come into
play quite a bit.
Q: Interesting! Last question: There are some men that women are just instantly drawn to... what’s their secret?
A:
There is nothing more magnetic to love than love itself. When a man
loves his life, his friends, and his job, he is incredibly magnetic.
Additionally, when he is as nice to the janitor as he is to the CEO of
his company, he shows heart... and most women are always drawn to kind
men; I believe it’s human nature. Ultimately, a man who is genuinely —
and that’s the key: genuinely — attentive, considerate, kind and
chivalrous will always be able to captivate a woman.
When
DC-based journalist Chelsea Kaplan isn’t helping you solve your
relationship problems, she’s making jewelry. Check it out at www.chelseabellejewelry.com. For the other side of this story, read How to charm the male mind.
